Many times I wanted to leave, give up, fade away into nothing; all for the sake of ending pain and skipping struggle. If you've ever been there, this list is for you! When I ask for help, the answer comes in different ways, and I've gathered them here. Based on various points of need, I have been shown directions toward new ways of thinking, doing, and being.
ONE: I am here for a reason |
There are many beautiful things I want to experience in this life. Though some wonderful moments have already happened, there are many more sweet surprises ahead. It is in the whole mess of experiences that I write my own life story & give it meaning. The pain is meaningful, as are the joys. I tear through that nasty orange peal to bite into the juicy orange.
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Two: I am capable |
How many tough experiences have I been through and made it to the other side? Enough to reveal the strength that continues to build within me.
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Three: I am determined |
Life has parts we don’t like – and don’t have to like. These are parts to push through until you find what you like again.
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Four: I let myself rest |
When the fight gets to be too much, I take a break from the struggle. It’s normal to get tired. I can feel when pushing myself gets to be too much, and I finally relax.. it shifts my internal struggle into calm again.
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Five: I find what soothes me |
The word "soothe" itself is soothing to me because I picture it as a pastel turquoise milk bath. The more I experience unpleasantness, the more I am drawn to the things that bring comfort.
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Six: I bake pies |
In the midst of depression, I would say "pie keeps me alive," and I meant it. I learned how to make a basic fruit pie with raspberries, blackberries, and blueberries. Sometimes that's all I ate for dinner because it was the only thing that made me feel better. It was the only thing I liked at the time!
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Seven: I call my mom |
When I was on the edge, I would call my mom to talk. Sometimes we just need to share our story with someone who wants to listen. Feeling heard by her was the very thing I needed to not give up!
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Eight: I reach out to friends |
It can be scary, but reaching out to friends is worth it. They gave valuable gifts of listening, acceptance, and encouragement. I treasure their unique selves and am honored that we get to travel this world alongside each other. It's easy to forget that who we are affects others in beautiful and magical ways. Don't forget.
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Nine: I ask questions |
Curiosity fuels me; I enjoy learning so much. I've asked so many questions in my mind. The answers arrive in all sorts of ways: art, nature, people, books, movies, music, from the simple to the complex. I got to the point that everything is a metaphor because I'm looking at every thing as if it is all a metaphor. It's so fun.
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Ten: I create |
I have so much inspiration at times, I can hardly contain it. It's fun to feel inspired, but creating something is where the real magic happens. I feel invigoration when in the creative process.
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Eleven: I soak up the sun |
At night is the hardest time for me. It can get terribly lonely, and all the shadows in my mind intensify. Going to sleep is like a reset. When the sun rises in the morning, I take a moment to soak up its warmth on my face. Each drop of shine is quiet reassurance. It feels so delicate, as if it knows just how rough my night was.
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Twelve: I connect with nature |
The more I slow down and focus on nature, the more balanced I feel. When I walk in the woods, I imagine immersing my body in all the green energy of the plants and trees. I take time to observe little details up close, feel the textures, smell the scents, and breathe in the fresh air.
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Thirteen: I listen to music & dance |
Movement is a key to emerging from depression. I would feel stuck and didn’t want to move my body. So I danced anyway, even if I had to do so while lying on the floor. Now, every chance I get I'll be dancing.
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Fourteen: I take a shower |
All these awful thoughts in my head, and it's time to get them out! How about let’s take a shower. It’s amazing the transformation that happens. It clears the mind, and I feel happy when I am clean.
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Fifteen: I express myself |
Not expressing myself is like a tug of war inside - it only makes me feel worse! Being afraid of what people think is something I had to push through, and I was only motivated to do that because I needed to express myself. Writing, song, dance, and art are some of my favorite ways to share who I am.
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Sixteen: I cuddle with my cats |
My cats bring so much comfort when I feel so very sad. They have taught me many things: caring for others, acceptance, love, and letting go.
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Seventeen: I do what makes me happy |
I am quite familiar with what causes me pain and unhappiness. Over time I've been able to let go of those things and give myself permission to do what makes me feel happy & laugh & smile.
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